Caregiving guilt is crushing you? Jo Lamble on how to stop carrying it | Club Sandwich
Feeling guilty all the time? Guilty you are not doing enough for your parent. Guilty you are not present enough for your kids, your partner or your job. Guilty for wanting a break. Guilty for even thinking this is all too much.
In this episode, Sarah Macdonald is joined by clinical psychologist Jo Lamble to tackle one of the biggest emotional burdens of sandwich generation life: guilt. They unpack the difference between guilt and remorse, why women are especially vulnerable to it, how guilt can morph into resentment, and the unspoken thoughts carers often feel ashamed to admit.
This is an honest, practical conversation about how to stop punishing yourself and start responding with more self-compassion.
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In this episode:
The Conversation: Sarah Macdonald and Jo Lamble unpack why caregiving guilt feels so constant when you are caring for ageing parents, juggling work and family, and trying not to disappear yourself.
This Week’s Hack: Catch the guilt early and ask yourself: what would I say to a friend in this exact situation? Then say that to yourself.
Listener Letter: The unspoken question underneath this episode is brutally familiar - how do I know what I should feel guilty about versus what is just breaking me?
Hot Mess Moment: The guilt spiral that starts with one missed call or one hard thought and turns into feeling like a bad daughter, bad mother, bad partner and bad person.
Meet the regular Clubbers
Melissa Reader - CEO of Vera and expert on Australia’s ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble - Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg - GP and women’s health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward - Geriatrician helping you understand when “old” becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan - Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
Topics Covered in this episode
- guilt vs remorse
- caregiving guilt and the sandwich generation
- guilt about work, family and not doing enough
- self-care guilt
- guilt about moving a parent into aged care
- the taboo thought that you wish it would all end
- women, motherhood and why guilt hits harder
- parents who use guilt trips
- resentment as guilt’s best friend
- CBT, self-talk and self-compassion
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity. Visit AustralianUnity.com.au/ClubSandwich
Credits
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Vera.guide, helping families caring for ageing parents navigate this stage of life so you don’t have to do it alone.
Sarah Macdonald - Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader - Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Rachel Fountain - Executive Producer
Audio + video edits by Fountain Media Group
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our awesome theme music Club Sandwich - hear more from Sean at seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Club Sandwich is recorded on Gadigal land, home of the EORA nation. We pay our respects to elders past and present. Always was, always will be.
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity's Home Health and Care, helping Australian families support their parents to stay well, active and living at home for longer. Visit australianunity.com auclubsandwich hello, welcome to Club Sandwich. Now this is a podcast for you. If you go out to dinner and people ask how's your mum? Before they ask how your job is or how your child is. My name is Sarah McDonald, I care for a 92 year old mum and I have a 94 year old mother in law. I have a very old dog and sometimes it's a lot. Today I want to talk about guilt. Now I have been very good at this. I can guilt for Australia. In fact, people have asked me if I grew up in a very Catholic house at times because I'm so good at guilt. But it's something I've really worked on over the last couple of years. Do you feel guilty about putting your parent into aged care? Do you feel guilty about not visiting them enough? Do you feel guilty in not seeing your family enough? Do you feel guilty about feeling guilty? We're going to help you with guilt today on the episode of Club Sandwich. And joining us to do that is Jo Lamball. She's a clinical psychologist, she is a writer and she is going to free you from your guilt. Prison. Poof, poof. Go on. She's got the key, she's got the secret. I won't go into that song. Okay, Jo. Hi.
Hi. How are you?
Good. Let's define guilt to start with. What is guilt?
I think that is a really good place to start because it's important to differentiate between guilt and remorse. Okay. So guilt is a feeling we get when we think we've done something wrong. Whether we have or we haven't. We just have this feeling and it's very self focused. It's I'm a bad person because I have done the wrong thing or I haven't done enough. Whereas remorse, it has a greater level of empathy. It's about somebody else. It's about the, hopefully the feeling we have when we have done something wrong, when we have hurt someone or harmed someone, shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have done that. And we feel that empathy for the other person. So it's very other focused. And because it's other focused, we can often do something about it. We can say, okay, how can I make amends? How Can I apologise? What changes can I make so that I don't do it again? It's what courts look for, it's what judges and magistrates look for before sentencing is a level of remorse because that will help determine the chance of re offending. So remorse good. Guilt bad.
Guilt bad. Okay, guilt bad. No, no, guilt. Naughty girl. Alright, the thing is, I think the sandwich generation are particularly vulnerable to guilt, aren't they? I mean, is that what you find in your clinical settings?
Yeah, yeah, that's right. Because whenever we're pulled in so many directions, we're never doing anything right. We're never doing nothing perfect, nothing is good enough. So we're feeling guilty about letting everybody down. And so yeah, it just is just a continual state of guilt. It's so debilitating. It's so, you can see by my body language it's so heavy.
Well, it's interesting you were like kind of look at going to your stomach. Is that where we feel guilt?
Well, often we feel this concrete block in our stomach whenever we feel that guilt. Because as I said, it's not other focused, it's self focused. And so whenever we're self focused it feels heavier. Other focus feels a bit energising because we think, oh, there's a solution, there's something I can do.
We're going to help you do something about guilt. Well, let's look at the type of things that you see people are feeling guilty about. So I mentioned and well, like let's start with work, right? So you never feel like you're doing anything properly and often people feel guilty that they're not fronting up at work properly. They're not really giving their all, they're not as good at their job as they used to be, even though they might be good at their job still because they're actually really experienced in it.
That's right. And they are doing a good job but they're feeling guilty that they're not because they did leave early because they had to take their parent to an appointment or they are constantly speaking to a doctor or making, you know, checking on a care plan or something like that. So then they feel that guilt really quickly because they're not giving everything to their work that they used to be able to do when they had less responsibility.
And then there's guilt about whether you're seeing your parent enough or helping your parent enough. And one of the reasons you might feel guilty about that is because you've got a really full time job and you're Trying to do right by your own employer.
Oh, that's right. And so again, here you are, often doing a fabulous job and giving so much to that elderly loved one. But you're feeling guilty going, oh, gosh, I really should. I meant to ring this morning and I didn't. I got caught up at something at work, so I didn't. I better ring now. And so again, you can see I keep pointing to my stomach, don't I? Because I keep thinking, oh, no, I'm clenching my gut. Yeah.
Just talking about it.
I know, because you're thinking, oh, no, I'm so, so bad. I'm such a bad person. Why did I not make that phone call like I planned to on the way to work?
Yeah. And you feel guilty that you're not seeing them enough. But then sometimes you can feel guilty that you're not seeing your family enough. Your partner, your kids. You're not hanging out with them. Like, you can physically miss them.
Oh, exactly. You can say, you know, oh, yes, we must. To a friend. We must catch up. Oh, but you couldn't, because you're either too tired from everything else you're carrying or you just. Literally, we're doing something else. Because you're caring. And definitely, partners often feel that they're being, you know, forgotten. Or you can feel guilty that you think they're feeling like they've forgotten when they're not, when they're seeing what you're doing and understanding. But we can still carry that guilt. So it's exactly what we're talking about. Being pulled in all these directions, but feeling guilt over all of them, that we are not doing a good enough job in any of our hats that we're trying to wear.
Yeah. That's an interesting one about friends. Like, I feel like I'm not being a good friend to you and I'm sorry right now, but I had dinner
with a friend the other night and I felt like I had to apologise the next day. I felt guilty because I just said, I'm sorry. I just. I just babbled. Had so much to download on you. So much to download, so much going on in all these areas.
Yes.
You know, and we definitely talked about her stuff as well. But, you know, you definitely then felt guilty about. Oh, my gosh. And she just quite rightly. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
She's telling you, I love it. So you're not perfect even though you help people.
Gosh. Oh, yes. Do what I say, not what I do.
That's so interesting to know Because I do that with my friends. I'll be talking about my mum or something. And then I go, oh my God, I've got it. Like, stop it. I tell it to myself, sorry, let's move on.
And what does your friend say?
They're like, well, they ask. I'm like, please don't ask.
And they don't want you to feel guilty.
They want to hear, no, exactly. Yeah, but it's different when they're not in the same space. The other sort of guilt I think, that we often have is about just actually prioritizing ourself. Right. So there was Ginny in the other episode recently saying, you know, put the oxygen mask on yourself so you can put it on everyone else. And I'm like, yeah, but when the plane's going down, you don't do that. Right? That's the thing. And so if you do step out and do something for yourself, then you're kind of in uttanasana in the pose and you're thinking, oh God, I should be really looking mum right now.
And also then you might tell a little lie, little fear, because, no, no, I wasn't playing golf. I was actually. I was taping the podcast. Taping the podcast. I wasn't playing golf. To the parent, accuse me as an excuse.
Yeah, that's right.
Because you don't you feel guilty about saying, I was doing this thing for myself because I should have been doing something for you. So yes, it's everywhere.
It is, it's omnipresent, it's multi layered, isn't it? I think the big one though is another one is where you just feel the guilt for even thinking this is too hard. I can't do this anymore, I'm losing my mind. And then it doesn't help that you feel guilty about feeling like that.
That's the trouble. Guilt begets guilt.
Yes.
So you do you feel really bad when you feel weighed down because it feels selfish. When we feel guilty, we often feel selfish, even though we may be being very selfless, we may be being a bit of a martyr or we may be forgetting to look after ourselves and after everyone else, but we still have this real fear of being selfish. And that's often guilt driven too. So we've got to shift along that continuum where at one end there's selfishness, which is where you put yourself first to the detriment of others, and then there's selflessness, which is where you put others first to the detriment of yourself and you just want to scooch along to the middle of the continuum as usual, where you just consider yourself as well. You can say, I'm going to be a better carer, I'm going to be a better partner, friend, pet, if I do this thing for myself.
But I'm gonna stuff up. I'm not gonna be perfect.
Oh, gosh, no.
Yeah. And you don't wanna be a martyr, do you? Martyrs are just annoying.
They are.
I mean, Jesus aside, but they are pains in my life.
My mum used to say martyrs are last year. I never knew what that meant.
What did it mean?
But I knew that meant they weren't good.
Right. They were out of fashion.
Maybe.
Okay, yeah. Maybe it was once a year.
So I just remember thinking, no, you don't wanna be a martyr there.
Last year. Yeah. No, you don't. Last year's look, then there's another one. And I had this one this year. Guilt about putting your parent into aged care, that's huge. It is massive. Because it's a big ruction, it's confronting. It's a lot. And you're taking them out of where they are. Very rarely do they want to go. The guilt of that is a lot.
Yeah. And often that is after a promise made years ago that you wouldn't do it. A lot of people ask their adult children, promise me you'll never put me in one of those places. Promise me. And they're so fit and healthy and you think, no, don't be silly. Of course I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't. No, you can stay at home, you'll be fine. And then they have to break that promise because the situation changes. It's no longer safe, it's no longer healthy. And so you have to make.
I'm not doing it for fun.
Of course not. And so you have to make that tough decision. And so if that promise has been made that the guilt is another level. Mm.
I'm never going to make my children promise that. No way.
No.
And we'll talk about the parents role perhaps in this cause I think some parents can activate guilt more than others.
And Sarah, can I also say there's another really big one that's often not spoken about, but I have certainly. Yeah, well, I have certainly encountered in my office. And that's when someone in a situation where they are caring for an elderly loved one and they are feeling so weighed down with it that they just are constantly overwhelmed and they might be in my office and getting a couple of calls even in that hour from that loved one who needs something else. And you can see they are deeply upset and they're thinking about something. And then when you ask what's going on, they say, I can't. I can't say. You'll just hate me if I. If I say what's on my mind. And so I have been known to say, can I guess? Can I guess? Would you be okay if I verbalize it? And they say, you'd never guess. You'd never guess what's on my mind. And I'll say, I will, because it's quite common. And that is that occasional wish that that loved one would die peacefully in their sleep. Not because they're not loved, not because there is not grieving already started, but the fact that sometimes it just gets too hard. And you might see that older person really struggling, not living the life they want to live.
In pain or with dementia.
In pain, Exactly. Or not with the dignity that they have always enjoyed. And they might think, I wish they would just peacefully, peacefully pass away. And then when I voice that, the tears just flow and say, now you think I'm dreadful. I think. I don't. I'm voicing it. Because that's what a lot of people can think at times. Not because they're bad people, but because of. For all those reasons we talked about. It is not out of cruelty.
I just want this to all end. That's right. I just can't do this anymore.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's too much. It's too much for me, and it's too much for them. And so that is that the guilt that comes with a fleeting thought like that or a fleeting wish is so distressing for people that I think. I think it's good that we bring it up here so that anyone listening who has thought that just feels.
You're not alone.
You're not alone. To feel normalized, feel validated. That. That is. Is totally understandable.
God, that's a big thing. Like, that's a huge thing to talk about, actually, because it is this unsaid thing. Right. It's unspoken. You don't even want it, to admit it to yourself. I imagine if you're having that thought.
No, no. Oh, yes. Because you feel the level of guilt you feel for even thinking it. And then if you speak it out loud, you're so worried about what the other person's gonna think of you. So you. You know, really. So that makes it harder because you're carrying it all alone, not. Not speaking about it.
So that's a heavy burden.
That's a Heavy burden.
That's a really heavy burden. Gosh. And, and so unspoken guilts are good to unpack. I suppose that's one of the things with guilt. You've got to kind of work out what you're feeling guilty about because as you said, it can snowball. Guilt begets guilt and it snowballs down to that point where you're like, this is all too much.
That's right.
So say it to yourself or to a professional is okay.
Oh, absolutely. And you'll be surprised if you say it to a close friend or a partner or someone who really knows and loves you and knows what a wonderful person you are. They are going to give you a wonderful response. They're going to give you a beautiful level of empathy and understanding and validation. They are not going to turn on you and think you are pure evil.
Yeah. Especially if you know your parents is hating being in that state.
Oh absolutely. And they're the only ones who often, you know, feel this way at times.
Yes, yes. It's a really, I mean, good on you for bringing it up. I think the frustration is so overwhelming at times that these our brains go in all sorts of places that we don't really want to admit. Can guilt ever be useful? Is it ever a useful emotion?
Nope.
You've said no, right at the beginning you said stop, don't do it. Yeah. What about if you're guilting someone into helping you? Oh, I know, our sibling episode. You would never go there, would you? Right? No.
But that's what often people do it. And it doesn't work. No, it doesn't work.
Makes them run away more.
That's right. That's right. No. So it's never good because as I said, it's a go nowhere emotion. It's a bit like they're totally different. But in psychobabble Lamb we talk about jealousy and guilt as being useless because they just eat. Eat us inside. Yeah. If you're worried about losing somebody, then do something about it. Speak up. Have a conversation with somebody with whom you're feeling jealous or if you're feeling guilty, you got to do something about it. That's why I want to, to really distinguish it between remorse. Cause remorse is helpful, remorse good, guilt bad.
Okay, alright, we've got that message. Okay. There's a call that every sandwich generation daughter dreads. It's the one where dad can't explain what has just happened and mum sounds different or you can't put your finger on why and suddenly you're googling aged care at 11pm Wondering how you missed it. Australian unity. Home health and care is the thing you set up. Before that call comes a local care team, a dedicated person who actually knows your parent. A plan that moves with them, proactive, not panic. And that's the difference. Visit australianunity.comauclubsandwich. All right. So it can be debilitating. You've talked about how it's in your stomach. Why do you think that we are, as people in the sandwich generation? So at kind of risk of feeling so much guilt, Is it more than just all the layers that we've got? Is it other things about being the carer?
I think it starts with just having that the main reason we feel guilty is because we're carrying so much. And so we just have this ongoing sense of not doing anything right.
Yeah.
And anything enough. So that just leads to guilt.
But are some people more susceptible to guilt than others?
Definitely. I would say there's two main groups who are more susceptible. Women. Women tend to feel more guilty than men. And whether that's how, you know, hopefully that. But whether that's, you know, being. Going through the generations, but particularly women who've had children, Mother guilt just starts as soon as, you know, you're pregnant. You know, oh, gosh, what did I eat or drink?
You had that glass of wine.
I had the glass of wine.
Exactly.
That's like. Or two.
Yes.
It starts then and then all through pregnancy. Am I looking after myself? What about that thought at times? Am I ready for this? What am I doing? I'm not, you know, wishing I've got
to play the Mozart in the womb.
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
I didn't breastfeed that day.
Well, then. Then, of course, then comes the birth. The guilt over the birth you had, the guilt over whether you breastfeed or not and for how long. The guilt over not teaching. Getting your child violin lessons at two, even though you don't like the violin and the child got. No, interesting.
That's right. My child did it for a week, let me tell you.
Oh, really?
Oh, gosh. I was like, wait, recorder. Oh, that's worse.
Just, you know, so we sort of.
So have we been. I mean, is it from society? A little bit. We're primed for guilt and that lays down those neural pathways in the brain to feel guilt because we've been a mother.
I can't even blame society. I think it's just this pressure because becoming pregnant and then having a child, the responsibility that comes with that, I think, is the pathway to Guilt, because it means so nothing has meant so much. And you feel so responsible for that growing baby. And then when it's your child and it doesn't stop when your children are, you know, 30 and 32 like mine, it doesn't stop. You still feel that responsibility for their well being, for their happiness.
I still feel guilty about not being with my kids.
That's right, that's right, that's right. So I think it's, it's. I don't think we can just purely blame society, but we can for the load being greater on mums for sure.
But dads are so loving of their children and they don't feel guilt.
No, they don't. They don't. They can often feel remorse, but they
don't feel our X chromosome.
Maybe it is. Maybe we'll find that out sometime.
It's a bigger chromosome, so it's got
more room, bigger surface area. Love it. Right back to our science roots. Love it. Love it.
There's a special tag of guilt on there.
Can I say there's a second group who also are more susceptible to guilt.
Oh, yes.
And they're the ones who have grown up being placed on guilt trips by often the very person they're now caring for. So they're the ones who have been punished by either the silent treatment or often sarcasm. And that's still happening. And so if they, if they ring an elderly parent and they say, oh, how lovely of you to call, I haven't heard from you for so long, I wonder whether you were still alive then.
Guilt trip.
Guilt trip. Exactly. Which they've probably had all their life.
Oh, you've come to visit me.
Oh, didn't think you cared about dear old dad. Forgotten what you look like. Yeah, that's right. All of that, that doesn't just suddenly come later in life. That's often been there all along.
Is that like a family system?
That's right. It's a dynamic. So if that has been there all along, and it often has been, then that group of people are very prone to feeling guilty later because they just, they're just so quick to guilt, no matter what.
And it's a pattern.
It's a pattern.
It's a pattern in that relationship. I mean, is that impossible to fix when your parents 86 and you're 50?
Don't. Yeah, don't, don't bother changing them. But you can work on yourself with that. And you can not do what we're talking about before, which is if you're the main carer in adult you know, children, don't put your siblings on guilt trips either. You know, don't tell them, oh, how marvelous. You've actually seen Mum. How fabulous. You know, no sarcasm.
I got in trouble for that. I, I thought of it for a minute, but Jo shut me down.
Yes, good, good. No passive aggression to your kids. Don't do, oh my gosh, don't break the, Break the cycle. Yeah. So, yeah, as we said before, if you want help, ask for help. Don't do it in a sarcastic way. And for anyone who is going to be, we all are, are going to be that older generation. Don't try not to put anyone on guilt trips. If somebody rings you just say, how lovely to hear from you, how are you?
I'm lucky. My mum does say that. She goes, oh, darling, how lovely to hear from.
Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.
Oh, gosh, your hair looks terrible. But isn't it wonderful to. I do think one of the most successful things in life, forget earning lots of money and being a CEO is actually breaking family patterns, isn't it? Like that's success.
Oh, yes.
Being able to do that with your
own kids is, it is wonderful. And I think it's often a good thing to do when you first decide or have accidentally had children is to stop and say, gosh, what wonderful things out of my upbringing, childhood do I want to take through? How do I want to continue all those fabulous things that my parents did and which ones do I want to leave behind? Which ones do I want to change and do that? If you're doing it with a partner
now you made me feel guilty about forgetting to do that before I had kids. I'm joking. That's right.
You can do it. Now. There's all these stages.
You can still break patterns, can't you?
Of course you can.
So let's look at the antidote to guilt. So how do you break the guilt pattern? How do you stop yourself going into that whole guilt gut rumination, churning?
You're probably not gonna be able to stop yourself going into it. But once you recognise soon as you're feeling guilty, that's when you've got to do something about it. And it's good old fashioned cognitive behaviour therapy. Cbt. Okay, so it's good old fashioned challenging the unhelpful thoughts that lead to the feelings of guilt. So it's saying, you know, challenging the thought that you're a bad person because you didn't ring that parent on the way to work or challenging that parent thought that you're a bad friend because you Couldn't get to their 60th because they were. You were just so exhausted by everything you've got on, or challenging the thought that you're not good at your job because you had to leave early to get to that specialist appointment.
So you just say to yourself. What do you say to yourself?
Well, the best way to challenge that is to pretend that a friend was saying the same thing to you. So if a friend said to you, oh, my gosh, I cannot tell you how bad I am, you know what I did? I put my mother in a taxi to get to her specialist because I had a deadline at work and I just couldn't miss it. And so I put my mum in a taxi. What would your friend say to you? Your friend would say, well, that's okay. You can't be everywhere at once. You're amazing what you do for your mum and you've got a big job and so, of course that's fine. So you would. Your friend would say that to you. You would say that to your friend in a heartbeat.
So say it to yourself.
So say it to yourself.
We're so much harsh with ourselves.
Exactly. So that's the. That's the. Really, it's a. It sounds too easy, you know, easier said than done, but it's actually quite easy to do. Just pretend you're talking to someone else. Just pretend you're giving advice to someone else and give it to yourself. That's how you challenge the thoughts.
I've got to say, having a good taxi driver for parents, very important. And a shout out to Ejaz if he's listening. Ejaz loves our mums.
Aww.
And he has helped us a lot driving our mums around over the years. When we can't do it, he's just fantastic. And helps him get in and out of the car. So that self talk. So catch it when you're starting to feel it.
Yeah, Catch it and don't think it is. Don't wear it as a badge of honor like the martyrs saying, you know, I'm just so bad, I'm, you know, so catch it when it's there. And also watch out for its very good friend. A very good friend of guilt is resentment. Because what can happen is when we've been feeling guilty for so long, after a while we say, sod that. Gosh, I do so much. I do so much. Compared to, you know, my sibling or some I'm doing, I'm pulled in every direction, you know, I shouldn't be feeling so bad. And then You. You start thinking, and you know what? They shouldn't be making me feel bad. They shouldn't be asking so much of me. It's their fault or it's Mum or Dad's fault. They shouldn't be putting so much on me. They should appreciate how much I'm doing F them. So that resentment follows quickly behind and it feels a bit stronger for a while. You feel a bit, you know, again, I'm sitting upright because you think, yeah, you know, F them. But after a while, you know what happens? You just feel guilty about feeling resentful and you just think, I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person. That's terrible. Fancy. Resentment, resenting. Poor old dad, he can't help it. Gosh, he is so appreciative and he does love me and I shouldn't feel resentful. He can't help it. So then we feel guilty. So this vortex that we go down, so we've got to break that friendship and often if we.
That's a toxic duo. Guilton.
That's right. So you. If you. But if you work on the guilt, the resentment tends to lessen.
That's so true, actually.
That's right.
I have been really focusing on my guilt. I have actually been thinking about it and my partner's really good at this. Cause he goes, I know I've done everything I can for Mum. I have nothing to feel guilty about. And I've been saying that back to myself as well.
Beautiful.
And has helped with the resentment. It's healing, actually. That's right.
Well, because they're so closely linked, it does tend to drift away once we. Whereas if you work on the resentment, that's harder to do because you try and work on the resentment, but it makes you focus more on. Yes. How you've been wronged or how you're not appreciated or thanked enough. So it actually can feed it. Whereas if you get rid of the thing that's triggering it, that's the guilt.
I think your siblings episode's a really good one, though. If you're feeling resentment with your family, listen back to that one with Jo, because I think that was quite healing for a lot of people. So it's sort of a constant practice to recognise the guilt, have that self. Talk to yourself about it. Talk to yourself like you're a friend. Stop it. Becoming passionate self compassion. You can't do everything perfectly because guess what, you're not perfect and you're amazing. As Dr. Stephanie Ward says, you're doing
a great job and you'd be telling your friends they're doing a great job. And you'd be telling your kids and your parents they're doing great jobs and your colleagues, they're doing great jobs. Well, most of them. So most people are doing the best they can. And so we just gotta cut ourselves the same amount of slack.
And then you'll breathe easier. Yes.
You won't be carrying a stomach full of concrete.
Okay, I'm breathing a little better already. Jo, thank you. You did a great job, Uncle.
Thanks, Sarah.
What have you done for yourself this week?
Well, as I said, that's why I brought up the golf.
You're golfing?
I played golf yesterday. You're a golfer.
That's right.
Yes. Yes.
You've done that for years.
Well, I have, but sometimes when you've got things you really should be doing instead, you do tend to think, ooh, maybe I shouldn't.
But no, no, you played golf without guilt. I did play guilt without guilt. Well, I started my yoga course that I set. Yes, yes. So, yeah, I'm practically.
Ah, you can change your name.
I'm like, one weekend in, that's all you need. But we did learn to breathe, which was good. Which helped with that tightness of the stomach. So, clubbers, thank you so much to Jo Lambeau. Please send this episode to a friend who is struggling with guilt and who is struggling with being in the sandwich or who needs us in their ears. Please give us a rating. You can also go on Facebook and Instagram and send us topics for episodes or questions that you have, or you can also email us@hello, clubsandwich.community and you are doing a great job. Tune in next week and remember, you've got them. We have got you. Today's episode was supported by Australian Unity home health and care services, proactive local care that helps your parents live well at home. Less stress for them, less worry for you, and more time for the good stuff. Visit australianunity.comauclubsandwich
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