Grandpa in the Granny Flat | A 'Compass' Follow-Up with Janelle and Nicole | Club Sandwich
Legendary ladies Janelle Adams and Nicole Bennett are looking after Janelle's 94-year-old dad Ernie, Ernie's dog Bella, and their two boys Max and Sam – all under one roof.
They shared their story with Sarah on last Sunday's episode of Compass (available on ABC iView), and on today's episode of Club Sandwich, they join us with an update about how life has changed since Sarah visited them.
For support: Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. Griefline 1300 845 745. Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit https://clubsandwich.community to join the conversation.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.
Watch the Compass episode 'Sandwiched' on ABC iView: https://iview.abc.net.au/show/compass/series/40/video/RN2511H023S00
Put The Kettle On, Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au.
Our FACES campaign: Last year, 4,812 older Australians died waiting for the aged care they'd already been approved for, about 13 a day. Vera started FACES to count the people waiting, and count the ones we lose, every quarter, published. If you're sitting in that wait with your mum or dad right now, add your name at vera.guide/faces.
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services: australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.
Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Club Sandwich is recorded on Gadigal Land, home of the EORA nation. We pay our respects to elders past and present. Always was, always will be.
Club Sandwich is brought to you by Australian Unity Home Health and Care, helping Australian families keep their parents well, independent and at home for longer. Visit australianunity.com auclubsandwich. Club Sandwich is brought to you by New South Wales Trustee and Guardian. Helping families across New South Wales make a will, plan ahead and protect the people they love. Search New South Wales Trustee and Guardian or call 1300-10-2030. Welcome to Club Sandwich. Now this is the podcast for you. If you love Kylie Minogue, but your heart doesn't go padang padang from sex and excitement, it goes pa dung padang from stress. My name is Sarah McDonald. The stress in my life is my lovely mum who has just turned 93, my mother in law 94, nearly 95, and my old dog, Shaggy. Now, Shaggy makes an appearance in the Compass episode that is now up on ABC TV's iView. And you see him trying to navigate the stairs and trying to drink from his water bottle. And so I thought today we'd do a post follow up to the Compass episode on the sandwich generation because the family at the core of it have some updates for you and you are going to be blown away when you see them on screen. With me today is Nicole and Janelle, who in the Compass episode tell their story of their dad or Janelle's dad, Ernie, his dog Bella, who he got when he was 90. Isn't that a definition of optimism? And their beautiful sons.
Hello. Hi, Sarah. Great to see you again.
So much to chat about here, but thank you so much for doing the Compass episode.
Oh, it was our pleasure. It was a lot of fun.
It was so great. And Kylie Minogue did bring us together. Absolutely, absolutely. We ran it into each other at the concert and then you messaged me and said you'd step up for this episode, which is so kind of you. So for people who haven't seen us, Janelle, give us the kind of brief overview about who's in your family and who's in the family home.
Okay, so in the family, obviously Nicole and I are partners. We've got two boys, Max, who's just turned 17, Sam who's just turned 16, and my father who's just about to turn 94 on this month, next month. And Bella who's nearly 4.
Yeah, she's the puppy dog.
She's the puppy dog. She's loving her life at the moment with all the people around she is,
she is the definition of optimism. And it's gorgeous because she basically sits on top of Ernie's head.
Yes.
Behind him in the chair.
That's right. And she's graduated to the, to the pillow next to him on his, on his bed. And at night she comes in and spoons with me.
Oh, is Ernie okay with that?
Yeah, yeah, because he's passed out. So.
Right.
She's. Yeah, she comes in more cuddles up in the main house.
Yeah. So here's the thing. Ernie is in the garden in a shed.
Correct.
That you built.
Well, Nicole and I built the 2 metre hole to get to the toilet connection. So. And then, yes, we had a flat pack come in and yeah, Bob's your uncle. We managed the trades and had a great local plumber that kept us on track and we built it, painted it and yeah, it was basically, it was this time last year, dad was still living independently and that the whole idea of the studio was if he did get sick or ill or needed to come and stay for respite, we'd have something. So it was pretty much a year from the time we built it that, yeah, he just called me up one day and said, can you come and get me?
So what triggered that?
So he had a couple of falls and then he, I think the last four, he really, that really affected him. It was around Anzac Day and yeah, I got the call on that Monday public holiday. It's the first time Dad's been very independent and he just had the sort of panic on his voice, in his voice to could you please come and pick me up? I just, I need to, I need some help basically. So, yeah, raced up, grabbed the dog, grabbed him and raced back to Sydney.
He's been sitting and Max got chucked out of the granny flat.
Max was enjoying his life, he was loving his, his life in the granny flat prior to Ernie's arrival. Fully self contained, you know, teenager's dream. So. But you know, he knew that this is something we'd planned for. So building that was for both, you know, the teenager and for Janelle's dad.
Granny flat slash teen retreat. But Grandpa takes precedent. Yeah. And we should just say at the top of all this because I think people watching you are going to go, how do these women do it? They're amazing. And there's lots of fantastic things you've got going for them, including the granny flat. But also, Nicole, you're actually a qualified nurse.
I am, Sarah.
I mean that's hugely helpful because managing Ernie's health is A lot.
Yeah. And look, he's, he's generally been a fairly well man. He's had a few sort of underlying cardiac things. He's had a pacemaker inserted and I happen to be a cardiac nurse so it does help in the way of being able to navigate the health system. And what we think actually triggered the fall that he had was a uterus. So then we were able to get, you know, bloods taken in the home, have a urine specimen taken, things like that that I was able to help organize and coordinate with the GP so that we could keep him at home without going to hospital, because that was his number one wish.
He was no hospital. Take me to hospital.
He actually had a fracture. We even had an X ray done in the granny flat. Teenage retreat, like a mobile X ray company was able to come in and we knew that he fractured his hip. And I got some advice from my hospital colleagues, some wonderful physiotherapists and orthopedic people and they just said, look, just do what you're doing and keep him on bed rest.
Well, he doesn't need surgery.
No surgery.
Oh my gosh.
So, yeah, he's a strong beast of a man, really. I mean, I know he's quite frail now but that's. He's got a fractured hip and he's still.
Yeah.
So walking around.
I think that now, what, 12 weeks later, it's he's up and walking and so it was that initial part where we basically, we got him and he was a bit of a wreck. So there was all sorts of things going on and yeah, having a partner who's a qualified nurse and works, you know, in a great hospital could navigate it and keep him at home.
It is that navigation, because you knew about the mobile X ray, you understand about UTIs, because they can be a shocker for our aged parents, can't they? They can send them into a spin. So you've got all that knowledge, you've got those connections and it must give you a bit of confidence as well.
Yeah, absolutely. But I think the thing is too, Janelle has really stepped up in the way of her nursing skills. I've been very impressed that she's done all of the, I mean, I might be the nurse, but she's actually done all of the hands on care, you know, like showering, you know, dressing him, toileting him, you know, and that can be quite confronting for a nurse, let alone for, you know, the lay person or, you know, a daughter father situation and, you know.
Yeah, let's talk about that. Janelle, because that's huge. You basically, in the morning, you get up and you've got. And I want to talk about your phone later, but you check on Ernie, you go down and then you shower him every day.
Yeah, well, we have a choice. Each day we've got three options. You can shower, we can do a wash, or we can do the. Just get the, you know, the baby wipes and just do a quick, you know, zip. So, yeah, yeah, so it's basically.
It's a very intimate thing.
Oh, cleaning every day. Yeah. I did say, look, I didn't think I'd end up having to deal with this part of your anatomy. So, yes, we have some. We have some cute little names and stuff and it's like, okay. But, yeah, look, you know, it has been a. It's. The whole thing has really come like a, you know, a force of nature for all of us as a family. But, yeah, obviously, you know, I'm doing things that I hadn't really anticipated. When we built it, it was more a respite and you can still kind of look after yourself, but we're around sort of things.
You are being a nurse, you are. You, like, washing someone and that. Like, how did you navigate that? Because I'm sure a lot of people listening, if they've had to do this with a parent, will find this very confronting. My mum said to me, you are never washing my bits. Like, that's never happening. That was her rule. But for Ernie, it was like, I don't want to go to hospital or aged care. So he's had to succumb to this. So how confronting was it for you and him? And how'd you get through that?
I don't think I had a choice, really. I just had to get on with it. And the only way to really keep dad in a safe, healthy mode was you just had to deal with it. And he had to deal with it and I had to deal with it. And some. In that meeting, it was like, we're finding some humor in it. It's like, well, I didn't expect to see this and, you know, like, things like that, we use that. Nicole said, oh, that's the best cream you could possibly use. Which has become like, we call it a name like Gary or Gerry. You know, I've got to get Geri out to put this on. So. And, you know, and it's. And we just, I guess, yeah, just got on with it and just dealt with it because there was nothing else we could really do but to deal with it and try and find some humour in it.
It's very beautiful though. Yeah, you do. I put cream on my mum's legs. Yeah. They get really dry skin, don't they? Such dry skin. I mean, I've got dry skin now, but. Yeah, the elderly. Super dry skin. So there's lots of stuff like that that you have to do.
Yeah.
Really know about.
Well, that's right. There's a lot of. There's a lot of, you know, click and lens. What is this situation going on here? And so it's been a real learning curve and it was. I'd say it's definitely got easy as we've gone along. But yeah, look, it was. It was pretty full on.
It's a long confronting and even though
we'd planned for this, I don't think we really realised how rapid he would sort of decline, you know, I mean, I. Obviously I do have insight into that, but when it's your own family member, you sort of. It's still a bit of a shock. And that might sound weird to say as a nurse.
I totally get that. Yes, you're a nurse, but you're not. You don't see Ernie as a patient, you see him as your father in law kind of thing.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
And he literally, you know, he took on the dog at 90, but he was still a carer himself at 90 for Janelle's mum. So, you know, he was really well and very independent for a long time.
So.
Yes, I remember going to mum and dad's when I was summons by my mother to come up and mum was literally. The dog was running, she was a puppy running in and out of them and she goes, get that bloody dog out of here.
Honestly, introducing a dog into the mix as your mum was in the last stages of life.
Yeah.
And Ernie was 90. It's hilarious.
Yeah.
But she is a source of great joy and comfort, isn't she?
And that was the idea that she'd be his companion.
Yeah.
You know, so. But maybe not a puppy, but, you know.
But you've got an old dog.
Yes, exactly.
We ran over that a few times. You know, like dog that just sleeps would have been fine.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Bella is. He's a, you know, kind of great joy.
Yeah, she is.
She's part of the family.
She is. And so here's the thing. You're doing all this for Ernie, he's in the back garden and you're constantly checking him on your phone because you've got like an app and you've got cameras in there. So you wake up in the morning,
you check your phone sometimes at 3 o' clock we'll check the phone or Nicole if Nicole's going through the menopause at the time she'll be like, you're awake anyway.
I'm awake anyway. I'll just have a cheat.
I know they'll help me get back to sleep.
Check on Ernie, check on Ernie. It's my night's sweats and.
Yep. And oh my God, this is just
mid life isn't it? Yeah, have night sweat, check on.
Oh, I'll check on it. Oh I checked him at 3 o', clock, he was fine.
Yeah. Okay, so you're checking him all the time, you go down and you help him with the morning and then I look actually let. Tell us about your computer screen. This just cracked me up because people always laugh at me because I'll have 10,000 unread emails and I'll have like 12 tabs open on my computer. And your diary is insane. Your daily diary.
Yeah, my colour coded calendar. Yeah well it's the only way I can function, you know, for me it's the only way I can function and I have to, my mind works, you know, I've got to slot in what's happening in between these hours and what I need to be doing.
So you've got a different colour for
Ernie, for the Sam. Sam's a green and Max is a blue. Yeah. So when I look over it I can see who's doing what at any time. At any time.
And then I was like what's those white, small white gaps? And you're like that's my full time job.
I'm trying to.
My job.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, just fitting all that in so you know, I can wake up, look at dad, then look at my emails and then go out and chuck the washing on so you know, it all kind of mingles up and mashes up a bit. So.
And you're never doing one thing at once?
Never. No, I think that that's what gives me a little. I can get anxiety because it's, it's, I feel like it's caving in on me and I have to really like step back and go. I just, this is what I could do right now and this is my list and just focus down on that. Otherwise it does get, I get a bit kind of.
It is a full time job that you've got looking after him. You've got a full time job as well and then you've Got your family life and it's a lot, it's incredible. But it is very lucky you can work from home because for someone who couldn't work from home, what you're doing with Ernie is actually impossible. And I think having you as the nurse, Nicole too, because it made me think, oh, my gosh, maybe Mum shouldn't be in aged care, she should be with me. But number one, she didn't want to be. And number two, I literally couldn't do it. Yeah, I could not do it. But technology does help, which is, you know, with the cameras and stuff like that.
And it's not for everybody either. And I think this was the best solution for us. It does work for us. And, yeah, look, it can be stressful at times and it can be a lot. But at some point too, I think we're lucky to have him there. There's been more contact with him and the boys. I see him every day. You see him every day.
She knows,
you know, it just, there's, you know, it's, it's a beautiful thing too. So we're just trying to embrace that and think of the really positive jumper
for people watching on YouTube, which is given that we mostly have women listening, they don't have time. But, you know, if you do love heart jumper for these two, because there's layers of love in this family and it's beautiful watching these teenage boys with your dad.
Yeah, no, it's great.
Gorgeous. So they cut his hair.
Oh, they cut his hair. They've cut nails, you know, they stick their head and go, what's going on, bro? Hey, bro, like you're kicking it, you know, so there's, you know. Yeah, we have. It's lucky they. And even it's five minutes, they just pop down and go, what's going on? Do you need anything? And yeah, and they play football.
They practice their football outside his little chairs so he can watch them.
Yeah, they practice out there and they play with the dog. And so it's, you know, it's like it's a family compound basically. And, you know, the distance between the main house and his studio is where the family kind of congregates. And in the gap. Yeah, in the gap, it's like, it is.
And they like, what is it? Because they're teenage boys. Like, honestly, not many teenage boys would be able to cut a 93 year old's nails. Honestly. That's amazing. So have they changed through. Have you seen them grow up a lot?
Well, I think that Sam has a. He does sort of Cut hair for his. For his mates and things. So that's something that he's taught himself to do. So he's imparting that on his grandfather. But yeah, look, I suppose we just want them to realise that it's not just our job or our responsibility that. And it's not just a female responsibility. It's very common and I see that a lot in my role, that often, you know, the female steps up. But I have seen some wonderful men out there doing great things as carers as well, so. But I just want them to know that this is part of life and that it is a shared thing and we are a family unit.
It's not women's work.
Yeah, exactly. And that, you know, there's been times when we've gone out to social things and we've said to the boys, would you mind staying home and just keeping an eye on him? And then.
Oh, you've gone out?
Yeah, we've gone out.
We're getting out. Okay. And you hadn't been out for a
while when we were filming.
Yeah, no.
So.
Yes, well, like on Saturday night, we were. Max dropped us with his new peas.
License.
License, yeah, so he said that venue. Yeah, that was right. And Sam was home, so. And as long as you kind of give them look, we need you to be home on these dates. They're like, yeah, no worries. That's for good.
That's so good. And you are giving them invaluable life lessons in terms of care and hopefully one day they'll be able to care for you too.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know, they might be like. They'd probably go, like, living overseas.
Exactly. So you can film me from overseas with your camera.
Yeah, that's right.
Because they've got very full lives too. Like, they're total football stars.
Yeah, well, they like to think they're football stars.
They're amazing.
But. Yeah, so their training's three nights a week now. They've got a job coaching at the academy where they were players, little kids at 6 and 7. So they've got some coaching jobs now. So their life is full. But, you know, they still, like, we're still much a family unit. It's just hard to sit down and have dinner together. But, you know, we're all. I guess I look at it and we're all there doing life and we're doing it to the best of our ability, but we're doing it also in the location of each other and, you know, checking in and all that sort of stuff.
Well, there's a great scene in the episode where you're watching the soccer going gay, go. And then he's checking her knee.
Great goal.
Multitasking. Yeah, multitasking. Like, get off your screen, mum. Oh, you actually can't.
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Nicole and Janelle are still looking after Janelle's dad. He's in his 90s while somehow still running their own lives at the same time. That's a sandwich right there. And it doesn't get lighter just because you're own kids are growing up. Australian Unity's home health and care is built for exactly that. Stretch a local team around your dad so you get to be the son or the daughter again, not just the roster of appointment person. Visit australianunity.com auclubsandwich. When your Dad's in his 90s, like Ernie is, there isn't a lot of Runway left to leave the paperwork for later. A will, a power of attorney, an enduring guardian sorted now, while he can tell you exactly what he wants is the difference between carrying out his wishes and guessing afterwards. Search New South Wales Trustee and Guardian or call 1300-10-2030.
You know that feeling when you're doing everything right for your elderly mum or dad and still it feels it is just not enough. That's because you're probably filling the gap left by the funds and the care that your elderly mum needs and deserves that she doesn't have. Even though it was approved months ago, she's still waiting in the queue. So that guilt isn't yours. It belongs to the delay, it belongs to the funding. We started Faces because families carrying that load deserve one honest count of actually what it's costing them. And if that's you, add your name at Vera Guide Faces. It'll just take a minute. And nothing appears anywhere else without your say so.
I do think it's going to have a big impact on them. Like that sort of stuff is in. It's kind of hard to measure probably, but it will have such an impact on them and you'd like to kind of. You're now planning a renovation so you can all fit because it's not a big house either. We're making out that you've got this sort of cult compound. It's not that big.
No, no.
You're all on top of it.
Well, we're literally just renovated the roof space so Max could have his own room, which is dust free, which would be great for his coughing because we're getting a bit concerned about that. Weren't we. So, yeah, I mean, it's, it's, yeah, two bedrooms and then the roof and that's where the living. The sleeping quarters is. And. Yeah, just two kind of common areas and then the gap shed out the back.
Incredible. And how is Ernie going? Because as you said, when he turned up, he wasn't in a great state. He had the broken hip and he was, listen, come and get me. I can't cope anymore. But you've actually nursed him back to health.
Yeah, well, he's just in that 12 weeks. I think it's about 12 weeks or so. April, May, June, July, nearly.
Yeah, even longer, actually.
Yeah, he now can shower himself. He's done that twice this week, which is a massive, massive thing to be able to do. He's back to going to the toilet by himself and he's much more coherent.
Yeah, because when we were there, he got really incoherent and we were worried we'd exhausted him too much by the filming.
Yeah, yeah, look, he's just, just generally, he's just more with it and happy and settled and. Yeah, I just look at him and go, this could go on for another 10 or 20 years.
Okay, well, let's get real.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
You can't keep doing this.
He's. Well, he's 94 next month, so that's unlikely. Yeah, look, I mean, I think just getting back to the basics of being a little bit more independent. You know, he still doesn't really want to come out with us or, you know, we'd sort of anticipated he might like to come to the boys games on the weekend or we could take him to the pub for a Friday night dinner or. But he's just pretty happy in his own company and he's. I mean, his world has become a lot smaller, but he's really. He loves tapping into our streaming services. He loves a good western film. You know, you get him talking about those things or you just talked to him about, you know, back in the day. He's really engaged, but he just seems quite content.
But this often happens. It's like when a lot of people go into aged care and you're basically running an aged care village. They can get a lot better because they're not looking after themselves as well. And that's obviously what's happened. Your incredible care. But this is a really exhausting for you. And I know things have got a little bit better later, but can you keep doing this? Could you keep doing this for five years? I mean, you can't really go on holidays, you can't, you know, you don't have weekends off.
Yeah, that's a good question. And I think, yeah, when we were talking about it six weeks ago, I don't know the answer to that. So it is a bit of a day by day situation. And I guess from my perspective, like, just the showering that he's done this week is a huge leap. The fact that he can do that and he can find his clothes and so. So I'll take the wins. That's a massive win. Absolutely what it looks like.
Yeah.
Down the track. That's. Yeah, that's a good question.
Yeah.
Look, I always say to patients and carers, you know, I wish I had a crystal ball, it would be lovely to see how this will play out. But if we can, you know, we've planned to set up the situation as it is and I think we just got to take it day by day and not get too overwhelmed with a five year plan or, you know, you
do, you have to take it day by day. But, you know, there's. Given that so many of us get burnout in this, you have to be careful of that. So I'm so glad you went out the other night and had a drink. Thanks to your son driving you like, that's amazing. You actually got out because what you're doing is really very intense.
Yeah.
And so this is the thing, Nicole, you actually drive around as a, as a nurse and you go and see cardiac patients and so what do you see from the sandwich generation while you're out and about?
Yeah, I mean, I do, I see a lot of carer stress. So there's a lot of people out there juggling, you know, the, the younger families, the, the elderly parents and then there's the dynamics of, you know, siblings within families. So I've seen it, you know, a lot in my job. I've been doing this for quite some time and I think that, you know, the best thing you can do is try and support people in that situation and point them in the right direction. I mean, I know you've talked about the aged care, you know, getting services and things like that, that can take a long time. So I think, you know, as you mentioned.
Yeah. When you get like. You haven't got the aged care.
No, we're only in the queue as well.
You're in the queue?
Yeah, that's it.
You're in the queue. He hasn't even been assessed yet.
No. No.
So you're in the queue for assessment. You've been in that for four months.
Yeah. Probably longer even.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay, so you're a year off getting any actual help, you know like.
That's right.
That's the way it is.
Yeah.
So you see people kind of going, stay with me. You do, you do.
But I suppose just trying to find the, even this. The smaller things in your day or just plan little things, little outlets, you know, whether it's just walking the dog in the sun or just catching up with your girlfriends, you know, for a chat over the weekend or you know, I suppose just trying to sort of. That self care is. Is important and trying to stress that to people who are very stressed, which
can be really stressed to see it. Yeah, yeah. And it's sort of like an annoying term. Self care. Yeah.
I'm going to the pub for self care.
Yeah. Well, fair enough.
I'll see you in a couple of days.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that your self care? A bit of a schooner of publication. That's all right. Like you've got to find the thing that replenishes you, doesn't it?
Oh yeah, absolutely. And you're right, it's the burnout. I think people like the other day I hurt my back and Nicole was like, lay down, we can't have you off, you know, like, you know, we can't have you going down because everything,
the whole thing's the voltage.
You can't get sick, you can't hurt yourself, you can't go on a holiday. There's just so many things you can't do when you're in this position. So yeah, I often ask people at the end of the podcast actually, like, what have you done for yourself this week? And I get people to think about that. So this weekend I just actually went and did a Vedic meditation weekend where I didn't drink coffee and I got a new mantra and I meditated for like Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Oh wow.
And did a bit of yoga is around that. And that was just something completely for me. Yeah, it was amazing. And I'm now a swami.
Oh, look at my look.
Like I can see it. I can see the glow and.
Yeah, yeah, not anyway. But I do think it helps with stress because we never take that time to just sit down for 20 minutes. It doesn't even have to be meditation.
Could be mindfulness.
Could be a schooner at the pub. Could just be something for yourself. So what have you done for yourself this week, Nicole?
What have I done? Probably just even just walking the dog or even. Yeah, it was just a catch up probably on the Weekend with my brother and his new puppy dog, actually. And seeing the family. So, yeah, just. And just seeing some friends that we, you know, sort of. Our regular sort of friends that we catch up with.
What about for you, Janelle?
Oh, I'd have to say we. Nicole and I had a lovely night at Nicole's because we're doing this Renault staying at her mother's place in Pyrmont, which happens to be right on the waterfront and. Thanks, Mum. Yeah, thanks, Mum. And I went over there while Sam was looking after. Stayed at home and looked after dad and we just had a really lovely night. There was just us two. Back to the old days. And just.
How long since you've done that?
Yeah, it's been a few months since we've had a real date night.
Yeah, it's been just lovely and, like, it's something to look forward to.
Good on you. And Ernie is very thankful, isn't he, for all you're doing keeping hospital in aged care.
Absolutely. He tells me all the time and he goes, if I. If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead. And I said, well, if it wasn't for Nicole, we'd both be dead.
If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be. You know, I mean, yeah, we could
go on and on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
He raised you.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
It's a beautiful cycle of care, but, you know, you two are kind of. I wanted to get into it because you kind of come across as superwomen in this, but this is not far from it. I know, I know, I know you wouldn't say that. And of course, no one is a superwoman, but it is incredible that you have managed to do this. He's got a lot of needs and I don't think a lot of people could do it, so you've honoured his wishes and it's beautiful. You're a wonderful family. Boys are gorgeous. The dog's divine. Ernie's a classic.
We have our moments.
Yeah.
Can you please tell us that you're. We do.
We certainly do.
Each other. Yeah, that's right.
Thank you for that. We need that. Good, good. It gets messy, doesn't it?
Oh, absolutely, yeah. You know, it's not all. What is it? Roses and peaches or peaches and roses.
No, it's not. And that's the reality of the sandwich generation. But good on you for doing it and for digging that hole and attaching a place to the sewer.
That's right.
You. Multiple talents.
I tell you things you find out through trades.
You have many talents. Thank you so much. Check out the Compass episode if you haven't and it's on ABC iView, which you can look up on your computer or on your phone. It's a Compass episode about the sandwich generation and there's just a little bit more detail from this fabulous family that you'll see on it. So well done.
Round of applause. Thanks, Sarah. Good to chat to you.
We love him.
Keep going.
Please email us@helloclubsandwich.community if you have a Episode idea you would like us to cover, follow us on social media and do send this episode to a friend if they are thinking of putting a granny flat in their garden and they'd like to see it how it works or if you're thinking about that for yourself, spread the word. And remember we know this is a big time in life and that you are juggling multiple things but you are doing a great job and while you have got them, we have got you. Today's episode was supported by New South Wales Trustee and Guardian. Will's power of attorney and enduring guardianship sorted properly so the people you love aren't left guessing. Search New South Wales Trustee and Guardian or call 1300-10-2030. Today's episode was supported by Australian Unity Home Health and Care, proactive local care that helps your parents stay independent and living well at home. Visit australianunity.com auclubsandwich.
You make one phone call to get help for your ageing mum or dad and suddenly you are drowning in acronyms and waiting lists. The aged care system, it's a bit of a wall of these acronyms, phone calls, waiting lists, and nobody's really giving you a map or a guide. Well, we see you. We want you to know that you're not behind, you haven't left it too late, and wherever you're starting from is the right place to start. You don't have to hold all of this in your head on your own and you can keep what matters most to your ageing mum or dad right at the centre of every decision. That's what Vera is here for, any time of the day or night at Vera Guide. It's free, safe and secure, built right here in Australia with families and the experts who know this journey.